i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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