my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
