At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
