I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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