Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
