sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
