You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
