hotel room ftw
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
where does the pee come out of this thing
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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