she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
