Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
