You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
