Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
