roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
