This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
