she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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