And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you mean i was at the winter classic?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
