I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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