so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
