My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
