why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So many bounce houses so little time
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
