i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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