I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
