Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
