Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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