So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
