we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
