All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
