At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
this is an emotional support booty call
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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