There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
