You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
