loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
