Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
