you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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