My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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