the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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