Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
