I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
