I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Randomize
