i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
