My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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