There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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