I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
