Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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