I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Houston, we have a squirter
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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