He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
