He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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