i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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