I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
