my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
