I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
