K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
