you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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