The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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