To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
