I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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