The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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