hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
