Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
