I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
