I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize