i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
