I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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