I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
