How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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