You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
