Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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