So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
