i already hear my dad disowning me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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