Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
