The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
