My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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