i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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