yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
