You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
