Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
