"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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