she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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