she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
COCAINE IS GR8
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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