I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Barsexuality is the new black.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
