They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
