I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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