ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
