So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
