FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
