the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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