Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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