I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
