Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
