I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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