i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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