Actions speak louder than pants.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
