you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
